tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33225557651219959552024-03-05T03:53:59.017-06:00Rant and RollJames Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-8632314928785190962017-06-21T09:46:00.002-05:002017-06-21T09:46:04.834-05:00Foreclose My Car Loan?I just talked to someone about my "car loan" and how I was going to
be "foreclosed on" if I didn't immediately provide them with three
payments using my credit card. Seriously. I started to laugh as I told
him that they already took my car following my seventh DUI. I said if
they wanted it they could talk to the local sheriff (sorry Ted) because
after I totaled it and not having ANY insurance it was in their
possession.<br />
<br />
He believed me, but told me that it was going to be <span class="text_exposed_show">"foreclosed
on" again and I asked him if the people foreclosing on it would visit
me because I was lonely. I asked him what he was wearing and if he
smelled good and there was a noticeable pause. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
I proceeded to ask if I could move in with him, and I then told him we
could share a bed but I did have severe flatulence and I liked to cuddle
and the pause continued. Somewhere in the next sentence as I began to
ask him about goats he began screaming at me in a language that I cannot
identify because I was now laughing so hard I was almost crying.<br />
<br />
He told me I was a disgusting pig and hung up on me. Was it something I
said? We had a great conversation for TEN minutes and then BOOM out of
left field he begins screaming . Weird.</div>
James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-79450506279935083582016-01-20T16:29:00.000-06:002016-01-20T16:29:18.619-06:00Congratulations! You have been awarded...As I trod through my emails every day I am constantly reminded how stupid many people in this world believe Americans are. Daily I read emails that outline in no uncertain terms that this is the case as the strangest requests pop up. I often wonder if Al Gore would have ever invented the internet if he had the forethought to think that "phishers of men" would troll the international waters that he created.<br />
<br />
I doubt it in all honesty for the simple fact that the "bark buddy" didn't invent it in the first place but if the people that DID create the "world wide web" could have ever thought that it would become the puddle of evil it has become. To prove my point I stand fairly confident that everyone has seen the garbage that fills Spam folders and inboxes and its a safe guest that at least once even YOU have opened one of those emails to see what it is. Although some of you may have interest in low cost Viagra or pills and potions that "enhance" men its a safe bet most of you just find it annoying. The problem is the emails that fill our inboxes are not always innocuous and the seek those that are weak.<br />
<br />
The weak I speak of aren't those that need "enhancement" (you know who you are), rather those that fall prey to those that can exploit them and their shortcomings (seriously you know who you are). What I mean by that is those that are limited by experience, or perceived need or are that type of person that is susceptible to the "three card Monty" scam, elderly, lack common sense or have some type of mental issue. Confused? I understand so the best example of those conditions are three emails I received today.<br />
<br />
<u><b>Example #1:</b></u><br />
I think this example is best defined as the "Lottery Scam" and I don't mean the Powerball or State run lotteries. These scams are best defined as "Congratulations! You have been awarded..." (neat title I should use that some day) when you have been blindly awarded something that you never signed up for. So when I saw the title "BMW LOTTERY DEPARTMENT" the shields went up and a smile overtook my face.<br />
<br />
The email was typical of these scamming bastards, telling me from the start it was a scam by adding "<i>NOTE: If you received this message in your SPAM/BULK folder, that is
because of the restrictions implemented by your Internet Service
Provider, we (BMW) urge you to treat it genuinely and kindly move it to
your inbox</i>." to the very FIRST freaking line. These pinheads are basically warning you that your email provider knows its a scam and sent it as such to your SPAM or Trash folder but it gets better.<br />
<br />
If this really was from BMW do you think they would have the winner notified by a BMW email or by "foxmail?" If it took you a minute to come up with that answer never go back on the internet again, EVER. While that should be a red flag of the scammers stupidity the fact that in the FIRST LINE in the body of the letter they have a serious misspelling that should be as conspicuous as the "foxmail" issue. I know this email is supposed to come from Los Angeles but come on, saying the "<u>United <b>STATE</b> of America</u>" really? Trust me this type of letter from BMW would have been reviewed innumerate times and that would have been caught <b>AND</b> it would have come <b>FROM</b> BMW! It is of certain curiosity that it is apparently important that they tell me the "BMW Lottery" is approved by the "British Gaming Board," why is that important to me, you just told me that you know I am a resident of the "<u>United <b>STATE</b> of America</u>" therefore a moot point.<br />
<br />
Grammar and syntax should be blatant red flags as well, BMW isn't going to hire "Willy the Window Licker" but when you read the email its obvious they haven't a clue as to writing in English. But the best part of this email is the fact that they ask for information about "<b>Nationality</b>," "<b>Present Country</b>" and my favorite one "<b>Email Address</b>." They just emailed you, they have that freaking information.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihDmcNDNzx3E4Kornhs_N7I2okp5DRIvqfeVRhu_pKJGtP4fvmSst5JRJUQ1LK7qGlUNy4-BcRAymZ978Qy9O1e9jIIsW7qE4q4tu3qf8GVGmSYZ7-vLXQHcRLoOT8_ygDsr61Y81W-2GK/s1600/BMW+Lottery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihDmcNDNzx3E4Kornhs_N7I2okp5DRIvqfeVRhu_pKJGtP4fvmSst5JRJUQ1LK7qGlUNy4-BcRAymZ978Qy9O1e9jIIsW7qE4q4tu3qf8GVGmSYZ7-vLXQHcRLoOT8_ygDsr61Y81W-2GK/s640/BMW+Lottery.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Example #1 - The Lottery Scam</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<u><b>Example #2</b></u>:<br />The "Random Kindness of Foreign Governments" could be my favorite of all of the scams out there, so it becomes example #2. The interesting thing about this email is the fact that it comes from a email that could look legitimate. The possibility that this email could come from an apparent company or governmental agency can take a person off guard for about a millisecond and if its longer than that then that person shouldn't be allowed to drive, vote or even hold small children.<br />
<br />
In this example the sender tells us that he received your name by a "<i>commercial attache from your country's embassy in Abuja Nigeria</i>" so a couple of red flags immediately pop up. First of all we aren't told who that attache is and although we are told that person is from "<b>your country's embassy</b>" they don't tell you the name of the country. Why is that important? It is of significant importance when you think that they don't say the "American Embassy" or whatever country you live in because it isn't proper. Here we go with that talk about grammar and syntax you're thinking but it is not something a person of some import would not get wrong.<br />
<br />
The next glaring issue with this scam is the fact that the "author" of the letter is "Engr.Williams Ogerugo Olisa" a man who according to the email has skimmed off funds in a government corruption scheme. Why is that important you ask? Well its pretty simple, "Mr. Olisa" has broken the law in his country, even explaining the reason he is sending ME the money as he states: <i>"For obvious reasons, I cannot deposit this money in any bank account in
this country or invest it here, so with my influence and contacts, I
have successfully placed the money in a security vault Safe Keeping
company as money owned by a foreigner. I want to quickly move this money
out of this country for joint investment with you."</i> What that tells me is that I too would be breaking the laws in Nigeria because I would be complicit in the embezzlement of government funds, transferring those funds internationally and in essence laundering the money for Mr. Olisa. I don't know about you but one of the last places I EVER want to be put is a prison in a foreign country. I've watched enough episodes of "Locked Up Abroad" to know my hind end doesn't want to go there.<br />
<br />
Despite all of that one of the most curious parts of this scam is the fact that this person states:<br />
<br />
Your role will be:<br />
<ol>
<li>Act as the original owner of the US$48 million</li>
<li>Receive the $48 million in your custody</li>
<li>Invest/Manage the funds as joint investment until i am retired or resign government work</li>
</ol>
Here is a total stranger, offering ME $48 million dollars and although he knows nothing about me, he wants me to invest / manage the funds. Think about that for a minute. If this were indeed legitimate would a total stranger want me, a total stranger, to invest / manage the money however I felt appropriate? I seriously doubt all of that, why because it doesn't make sense. If this were real and I received that money, I'm gone and Mr. Olisa will never find me.<br />
<br />
Unlike Example #1 this person doesn't ask for any personal information but he does provide a telephone number that I can reach him. By calling this person he can now get tons of personal information, including where in the heck I actually live. He can harass me, scam me, steal that personal information and although I didn't call the number I know that he would try to harvest everything he could and probably request that send <b>THEM</b> money to send me the money.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisoY0m-Rn6k6QEF_wY0-4pnMjrn_QFZdCHNJlx0LNyPzeeWMIzFb5pMHkqoBVd5bDOfQNySj05BBY5CUBkuLoCk4fwdoMqGY4EnM0i_gWAp9HPf_DB09pqyI6KvX-35izCiURaRQCDNd3g/s1600/OLISA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="365" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisoY0m-Rn6k6QEF_wY0-4pnMjrn_QFZdCHNJlx0LNyPzeeWMIzFb5pMHkqoBVd5bDOfQNySj05BBY5CUBkuLoCk4fwdoMqGY4EnM0i_gWAp9HPf_DB09pqyI6KvX-35izCiURaRQCDNd3g/s640/OLISA.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Example #2 - Random Kindness of Foreign Governments</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<u><b>Example #3</b></u>:<br />
The third example of a scam is "The Random Kindness of Our Government and Other Entities." This one is maybe the most devious of the scams if not for the simple reason that highlights our trust in our own government. People that perpetrate this scam really should be beaten with hammers because this one can really mess with people. Trust in the government isn't the most popular right now and when you get an "official" email it can trick you very easily.<br />
<br />
Never fear, however, because the first clue that this isn't from Uncle Sam is the fact that the email address it came from should be an immediate stopping point for the validity of the email. In this email it looks like the email itself came from the "<i>Office of the Vice Chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank</i>" BUT if this were indeed the case it would have come from an official .gov email and NOT from<span class="go gD"> "<b>safety@thaitec****.com</b>" as this one did.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="go gD">If that isn't an immediate point of contention the sender decides that they must tell me that these funds are coming to my "</span><span class="go gD"><i>hour of compensation and actualization has come after our meeting with the
United Nations, Bank of America, Central Bank of Nigeria and the Federal
Reserve Bank officials</i>" which is as forceful as a boot to the head as it tries to prove to me its validity by using respected agencies and banks as a source of proof. Unless you are a complete narcissist ask yourself why would any of these entities talk about you in some sort of "special meeting." Of all of these entities talking about you only the "Bank of America" would make sense IF and only IF you were a customer and you owed them large sums of money.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="go gD">The last issue that should immediately make you suspicious is very simple, they ask for TONS of personal information. I think that anyone that tries any of the scams is a piece of crap but when you so blatantly attempt to harvest this much information the perpetrator should be thrown into a lion enclosure covered in honey and raw meat.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="go gD">If I'm being honest if you fall for someone, ANYONE, asking you to send them identification numbers like your <b>Social Security Number</b>, <b>Drivers License Number</b> or as they did in this one, "<b>Your id or international passport</b>" you almost deserve the nightmare that will ensue. Look I understand that someone that you think you can trust is requesting this information but being as blunt as I can <b>NO ONE</b>, no governmental agency, no bank, no credit card company will <u><b>EVER</b></u>, I emphasize <u><b>EVER</b></u>, ask you for these things by email. <u><b>EVER</b></u>. Did I state that properly? <b> EVER</b>.</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9SuZFQ9WtipM8_qnosveqWiU9s4A7_Qeduyft8dMqWtfuuwDVjzquouYXsvCCr_sVpqyXnl7OtnOwVoIbxDomwTM3yJon3zO3hEO5CblwsVUO1Jc4tP8CN5p6lQZD3csGi8MufB6sUFxs/s1600/Federal+Reserve.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9SuZFQ9WtipM8_qnosveqWiU9s4A7_Qeduyft8dMqWtfuuwDVjzquouYXsvCCr_sVpqyXnl7OtnOwVoIbxDomwTM3yJon3zO3hEO5CblwsVUO1Jc4tP8CN5p6lQZD3csGi8MufB6sUFxs/s640/Federal+Reserve.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Example #3 - The Random Kindness of Our Government and Other Entities</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="go gD"><br /></span>
<span class="go gD">All of these scams and all of the others that are floating around out there are vile, and I really don't want to make light of the situation so despite anything that I said here please remember that these people don't play around. If you give them even an inkling of their ability to scam you, they will try and try to make it happen. The most important thing you can ever do is delete these things when they get delivered to your email, treat them like spoiled milk and throw them in the trash.</span><br />
<span class="go gD"><br /></span>
<span class="go gD">There are steps you can do to help yourself avoid becoming a statistic with these fine people, they take little time but that lost time can save you never ending headaches. If you receive an email asking you for personal information look at the source first. If it isn't from a trusted source like your bank immediately delete it. If it claims to be from your bank (or another trusted entity) and they are asking for personal information, call the entity directly. Make sure you DO NOT click any links or use any phone numbers contained in the email, they can lead you straight to the scammer. Look up the number in the telephone book, or look for the number in a browser such as Yahoo!, MSN, etc. then physically call the bank and ask them if they sent that email. If the email is from a law enforcement agency like the FBI or a governmental agency take the same approach. Look up the number and call the agency, <u><b>DO NOT</b></u> click any links.</span><br />
<span class="go gD"><br /></span>
<span class="go gD">Emails from "law enforcement agencies" should be reported to your local police agency and they can tell you the appropriate steps to take to actually alert the correct agency. Make sure you never click any link in an email if it comes from a person or agency you don't know, its not going to end well and in fact your computer could be infected with a virus, spyware or even open your computer to those people that want to steal your identity.</span><br />
<span class="go gD"><br /></span>
<span class="go gD">On a side note people that do this to innocent people are reprehensible and should be prosecuted but unfortunately for many countries the crime is not a big deal and even worse it isn't something that would cause an arrest let alone extradition. I hate these people, I hope that they get carpal tunnel and severe athlete's foot and creeping crud. Crabs and fleas would be too go for these people, but just don't fall for these scumbags.</span><br />
<span class="go gD"><br /></span>
<span class="go gD">There I feel better now.</span>James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-9828544670141953272014-10-26T20:21:00.001-05:002014-10-26T20:21:55.503-05:00Football CelebrationsFootball at its core is reminiscent to the gladiator battles in ancient Rome. Gone are the swords and other weapons yet the chest armor and helmets still remain. Gone is the inevitable death yet the terrible injuries continue. Gone are the men fighting wild beasts to the death yet teams of men battle with the names of wild beasts such as Bears, Bengals, Lions and Rams continue to battle in spectator filled arenas. Although I am not an expert on the gladiator games of old, I would think that after a gladiator slew their opponent there was some sort of celebration. I can imagine that the gladiator stood over the vanquished and raised his sword to the sky while shouting with a hearty celebratory, raucous "Whoo hoo!"<br />
<br />
While the exact language of the celebratory shout could differ from "Whoo hoo" you get the idea. Its understandable if you think about it I mean this gladiator SURVIVED combat with another gladiator who was really trying to kill him. Hey if some half-naked man wearing a helmet and is trying to poke me with a trident or swings a sword at me and I defeat that guy, I'm celebrating.<br />
<br />
Let us advance a little in history to the kind of close to the present day but not and the gladiator games of the National Football League. When I was growing up there were a few things you could be sure of when a player was tackled the other team never helped them up off of the ground. By tackling that person and just getting up and walking away showed a sense of superiority over that player and helping them up made the tackler look weak. The tackling team would get up and walk back to the huddle or sideline and they would act like it was something they did every day and at no time did they have to jump up and down, make up some stupid little celebratory dance or hop about like a duck on a hot plate (WKRP in Cincinnati reference). Yes they may get "hi-fives" and yes they might be proud of their work but they acted like professionals. Mark Gastineau, a defensive end for the New York Jets changed all of that.<br />
<br />
That's really not fair, their were other other people that had celebrations (Billy "White Shoes" Johnson for example), but Gastineau did his celebratory "dance" after each sack. The league didn't like it, nor did the teams he played against but it really seemed like that was a catalyst for defensive celebrations after anything they did. Soon we had NFL players celebrating every sack, catch, first down, forced fumble, interception, tackle, punt and if you looked closely enough I'm guessing there have been celebrations for their first penalty.<br />
<br />
Today its to the point where everyone does it and it makes them look dumb. I can understand celebrating the "first" of any stat worthy action or game-winning play or a record-breaking stat (i.e., all time rusher, passer, etc.) but enough already. I've been a Bear fan my entire life and I have seen some pretty great, humble performers that just do their job and after they do something, they get up and walk away like professionals.<br />
<br />
I despise the type of player that feels compelled to dance about for no real reason and if you were to be near me when I was watching a game you would hear me say "Act like you have done that before" whenever a Bear (or any other player) decides to excessively celebrate the littlest thing. I used to get so mad when Devin Hester would dance about because he scored a TD on a return or if he even had a long return without a score. When Richard Dent sacked the QB he got up and walked back to the huddle unlike Jared Allen when he gets a sack and he does his "calf-roping" celebration, its silly and unnecessary. Of all of the celebrations, Hester and Allen's are fairly mundane and are never of a concern to the physical well-being of the player.<br />
<br />
When the Detroit Lions and the Green Bay Packers played on Sunday, September 21st, 2014 the unthinkable happened. Stephen Tulloch the starting MLB of the Detroit Lions got a sack on Aaron Rodgers of the Packers and following the sack Tulloch celebrated the sack and subsequently injured his knee. The injury was knee serious enough that Tulloch was placed on the season-ending disabled list. Despite the fact that I am a Bear fan it is with a certain level of anger that I look at the loss of he player for the Lions. Stupidity is a terrible reason to get hurt and now his actions have affected the season of the Lions.<br />
<br />
If you watch football on any level, whether college or professional (hopefully not high school) you will see players jump onto piles of their players because they did something noteworthy but you also see "chest-bumping" or tackling teammates for whatever reason but the potential for injury should preclude the actions because of simple common sense. The potential for injury while celebrating a performance that they make all of the time is asinine.<br />
<br />
Despite the fact that such behavior has become commonplace in the NFL it thereby diminishes any potential "mind games" against an opponent thus accomplishing little more than making the celebrator look like a fool. Another possible consequence would be making your opponent angry enough that they use it as motivation to embarrass the self-important lackey. While such actions could be construed as simple, easily forgotten actions by a player that has overvalued their own importance, said actions could result in a negative response by their opponent thus cementing said opponent to bring forth the pain upon the self-indulgent performer. Such actions are not mere whimsical fantasy by any stretch of the imagination. A former NFL "bad boy" that played for the St. Louis Cardinals used to dole out his own special justice to defensive players that got on his bad side. Conrad Dobler was notorious for special treatment to opposing players that tried to show his team up, or at times for just appearing on the field.<br />
<br />
I would tend to think that the best way to really get under the skin of your opponent following a "celebratory action" would be to complete the play, get up and walk away without the fanfare. If a player were involved with multiple plays in a game, or a season for that matter and they acted as if it those actions were common as the coming dawn that would bother an opponent even more. If a player were to perform at such a level without pomp and circumstance that would cement their impression into the psyche of the people they were playing against.<br />
<br />
I could care less about sportsmanship (shaking hands with their opponents or helping them up), but by acting like the world revolves around them through dancing and shaking their asses they open themselves up to the microscope of the NFL. If you act like you've been there before then people will develop a healthy respect for you and what that means in the context of the NFL is that you will be under their skin and in their conscious mind.<br />
<br />
To those players that still think stupid celebrations make you a better player, you would be wrong. Show up, do your job and act like professionals because if you don't you will expose your skills and jeopardize all at the same time. That is all. -----<br />
_________________________________________<br />
<br />
Note: I forgot to post this when I wrote it just a few weeks ago BUT it has become even more relevant to me as a Chicago Bears fan. Today the Bears lost to the New England Patriots by the score of 51 - 23 and in the fourth quarter of the game a Chicago Bear player, Lamarr Houston, made one of the absolutely STUPID mistakes ever. I'm serious, EVER. The Bears DE made a sack with his team down 25 points, TWENTY-FREAKING-FIVE POINTS and he jumped up in the air in some type of celebration and upon landing he got hurt. TWENTY-FREAKING-FIVE POINTS. It's stupid, unnecessary, and asinine. You Mr. Houston made yourself out to be a buffoon. Can I make a small suggestion? If your season is over because of the knee injury you suffered, give the money back to the Bears because your season has been a joke since it started and you have successfully proven to the fans of the Bears that you are not a professional and that you are not a team player.<br />
<br />
Sad.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-27022708083514369912014-10-06T12:38:00.002-05:002014-10-06T12:38:32.334-05:00My Beloved BearsWell it seems as if Sunday was as crappy as the last Sunday for me. The Chicago Bears, my favorite team since the third grade, lost a 14 point lead to the Carolina Panthers and subsequently lost the game by seven points. Failures about in that game and its brutally obvious that the team still needs safeties and linebackers desperately.<br />
<br />
The Bears linebacking corps is horrific. Lance Briggs is struggling, DJ Williams is kind of missing in many plays, and the remaining LB's aren't worth their weight in salt.<br />
<br />
The defense is so bad I think some Division II schools could score on them. Wow. Just WOW.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-35267681677634681672014-09-16T13:19:00.000-05:002014-09-16T13:19:16.391-05:00Me, Myself and ILet's get back to the good old fashioned rant shall we. What kind of man asks a question to a fourteen year old boy about another man? Here's the scenario... You have a man in his FIFTIES ask a child, yes a child about a condition that his uncle may have in a rhetorical sense. Rhetorical meaning he wasn't expecting an answer instead it was more like a jab at a situation he knows nothing about. What a dick and what a pussy. Why not grow a pair of balls and ask the other adult yourself or are you that big of a pussy? That too is a rhetorical question because we already know the answer now don't we.<br />
<br />
Only a coward tries to address a problem in that fashion and he's fairly lucky someone doesn't punch him in the face. I hate cowards, and I really hate those cowards that involve other people, children for example, in their greater act of pussification.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-75987001642355008882014-09-15T17:32:00.000-05:002014-09-15T17:32:38.352-05:00Child Abuse, Domestic Violence and the NFLWhen I wrote about domestic violence, Ray Rice and the NFL I stated that I am a HUGE fan of the NFL, I love the game and I really enter a different state of mind when the season starts. As I wrote the article on domestic violence and Mr. Rice I literally held back the venom that makes me special. I seemed to forget about the reason I have this blog, its a cathartic release of anger at the terminally stupid and those events that the terminally stupid actively participate in.<br />
<br />
On Sunday, September 14th, 2014 the Minnesota Vikings announced that their star running back, Adrian Peterson, was deactivated following his indictment for child abuse. It was revealed that Peterson disciplined his child with a "switch" or a length of pliable stick, willow has always seemed to be a great candidate for switch material. Peterson acknowledged that as a child he was disciplined with a switch and if I'm being honest so have thousands upon thousands of others.<br />
<br />
I would be remiss if I didn't say that children need to be disciplined, a good swift swat on the hind quarters will remind a child that whatever their actions did that was wrong has consequences. On that note that doesn't mean beating the crap out of a child because they forgot to take out the garbage or because today is Thursday and they deserve it. Discipline is a fickle little entity that has divine consequences and if used at an appropriate level is, or at least should be accepted. While it was, and in some parts still is acceptable to use a switch a child social norms dictate that it isn't.<br />
<br />
Was the rationality of Peterson using a switch on his child acceptable? Probably not but therein lies the real issue. While a child may fear a single swat on their butt on occasion, think about how terrifying it is for a child to first of all know they are going to get disciplined with a long stick. Not only is it a stick but when swung with any velocity will make a terrifying whistle through the air before it hits the child. It has to if its going to be effective otherwise it would be like a tap with a long pencil and it wouldn't garner any "desired effects" to deter that behavior.<br />
<br />
Obviously child abuse can be perpetrated through the use of any item being used whether it be the palm of a hand, wooden spoon, switch, coffee cord, razor strop or a plethora of other items but the fact of the matter is that child abuse is wrong and must be taken seriously. There is no reason whatsoever that makes child abuse acceptable. None. Within the issue at hand Peterson did significant physical and psychological damage to his son that can become a trigger for future abuse by Peterson and his own child.<br />
<br />
Zygi Wilf and Mark Wilf, the owners of the Minnesota Vikings released the following <a href="http://www.vikings.com/news/article-1/Statement-From-The-Vikings-Regarding-Adrian-Peterson/ffba4f28-6620-44b5-b707-241c1ea783b2">statement</a>:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Today’s decision was made after significant thought, discussion
and consideration. As evidenced by our decision to deactivate Adrian
from yesterday’s game, this is clearly a very important issue. On
Friday, we felt it was in the best interests of the organization to step
back, evaluate the situation, and not rush to judgment given the
seriousness of this matter. At that time, we made the decision that we
felt was best for the Vikings and all parties involved.</i></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>To
be clear, we take very seriously any matter that involves the welfare
of a child. At this time, however, we believe this is a matter of due
process and we should allow the legal system to proceed so we can come
to the most effective conclusions and then determine the appropriate
course of action. This is a difficult path to navigate, and our focus is
on doing the right thing. Currently we believe we are at a juncture
where the most appropriate next step is to allow the judicial process to
move forward.</i></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>We will continue to monitor the situation
closely and support Adrian’s fulfillment of his legal responsibilities
throughout this process.</i></blockquote>
<br />
Really? So does that mean he can come back and play a game that pays him $11,750,000 a YEAR? The league has real issues with the fine line between was is correct socially and what is correct monetarily. Its okay to think that everything is great and right in the world because he sees the error of his ways but the big picture shows that one game doesn't mean squat. It is obvious that if big-ticket players screw up then the NFL does NOTHING of consequence within the realm of discipline. The assumed transparency of the legal system within the NFL is as transparent as muddy water. For years people have talked about stars getting away with anything inside the league whilst they are awaiting prosecution or resolution of legal matters.<br />
<br />
Its abhorrent to think that the culture of violence that drips from the leaky roof of the NFL onto the heads of its fan base. The drips are inconsequential until they become a nuisance to the people that sit below it. It becomes apparent that the drips continue until such a time that the leaky roof becomes a gaping hole that the "roofers" or the NFL in this case, try to plug with paper, roofing tar and crossed fingers in hopes that it will hold. The NFL needs to flex its muscles and proactively say that despite the fact that Peterson is a star, child abuse is not acceptable and they need to suspend him until such a time that a resolution of his court case is complete.<br />
<br />
Within the culture of the NFL it is obvious that decisions such as suspensions for child abuse and domestic violence only occur following controversy. Despite the fact that socially society has made leaps and bounds within the prosecution of abusers, the NFL still lags far behind.<br />
<br />
As we look at the case against Peterson and his alleged abuse of his son we must keep in mind that culturally his methods for discipline aren't simply archaic, they are criminal. Under no circumstances can we equate a simple slap on the butt and the use of a switch with multiple strikes from that switch. A simple <a href="http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/09/12/adrian-peterson-indicted-for-child-abuse/">search on the internet will show through the magic of pictures the consequences of Peterson's actions</a>. For the NFL to save face they MUST resolve their own position in the case and subsequently they have to suspend this man until the end of the season at least or until the resolution of the case in the legal system.<br />
<br />
This is a sickening, despicable act that a father committed against his own child. I cannot find a way that I will ever respect this player. Get it together Goodell, assert your power and control against this reprehensible offense.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-89511299606316264102014-09-13T00:59:00.002-05:002014-09-13T00:59:56.431-05:00The CTA - An Adventure into the Bowels of StupidityI ventured into Chicago to attend "Riot Fest" a three day metal / punk / alternative music festival in Humboldt Park. I have experience in Chicago, I lived and worked there and I have traveled on the CTA from time to time because of that and from some other personal trips and although those experiences were for the most part before electronic fares and the entire system was computerized the concepts are still the same. With my experiences being some time back we decided to contact the CTA even before we began the trip because we had heard of a station being closed for repairs / remodeling as well as the unfamiliarity of the system.<br />
<br />
During our conversations and email contacts with the CTA there was still confusion so we decided to ask questions of friends that live in Chicago, as well as the front desk at our hotel and we had a pretty good idea of what we had to do EXCEPT for one little issue. I kid you not that every single contact with the CTA regarding the closure of the California station was literally avoided or poorly explained. With the exception of one of our friends that gave us excellent assistance, no one could give a clear explanation of what the Blue Line did AT the California station so we decided to have a game time decision to determine what he had to do.<br />
<br />
The first CTA employee we asked about the Blue Line told us that the train would stop BEFORE the closed station then we would have to walk to get a shuttle that would then take us to ANOTHER station where we could then take a bus. The next employee said a very similar inaccuracy BUT they told us that we would have to stop before the station then walk to our destination because there was no shuttle. We did ask a third employee and she was EXCELLENT as she not only made sure we got the appropriate three day passes but she also gave us this little nugget; she told us that the train goes PAST the California station and then she told us what station to get off at and then what bus we could take. I kid you not, she was the first one of the day AND at least the first one out of three emails and two telephone calls to get us in the right direction.<br />
<br />
Let's ponder another point for a moment and decide how worthless people in call centers tend to be. We called the CTA Customer Service number today whereby we asked the same question but the person that we talked to had no idea about the train because she was on the bus side of the wonderful world of the CTA. Fair enough, I totally understand that we made a mistake there BUT when we asked if she could transfer us to the appropriate department or give us the correct contact number she said "No." Apparently she didn't know how to do that. Yep, I said she didn't know how to do that.<br />
<br />
After we got to the correct station today we exited the train and walked toward the exit of the station and we asked a question of the employees as to which direction to go to get to Humboldt Park and that answer has déjà vu written all over it, so I'll give a little back story to explain. A few years ago we went to the Congress Theater in Chicago to see Death Angel / Testament and Anthrax and much like that day when we got off of the train we had to ask which direction to go and the CTA employee informed us a direction of travel with a flippant little wave of the hand and when I asked her to clarify the little wave was done with a head toss. I followed those step by step directions and it took us several blocks out of the way and to fix the gaff I asked a very helpful valet at a restaurant who gave great directions that despite the fact he sent us through the darkest street in the city (there wasn't a freaking streetlight the entire way) we got to our destination.<br />
<br />
Today we rolled the dice and asked a CTA employee where to go and she said well there was a bus we could have taken but she wasn't sure if that was the right direction of travel so she referred us to another employee because he "knew about those things." I should have known better because the first thing he said was why not just walk instead of taking the bus because it wasn't that far. Remembering the Congress Theater fiasco I asked him which way and he rather flippantly kind of brushed us away with a small hand gesture but I was ready for him so I used my own hand signal (no I didn't flip him off) to confirm the direction of travel and he said to "go to the next intersection down that way" and it was a couple of blocks from there.<br />
<br />
So we followed young Zippy's directions and we went to the next intersection looking for those couple of blocks. Once again those directions were wrong. We followed the pinheads line of travel, then had to backtrack to a direction of travel that we came from, then we asked a woman walking and she gave us a route. That "next block" bull the "Wonder Twin" gave us was four blocks, then we had to walk another three or four to the actual venue (which was then followed by a hike the entire length of the park to get to will-call). You might think that would be an excellent conclusion now wouldn't you but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.<br />
<br />
The rain and cold was really getting to me so we did bail a little early in an attempt to get warm so we waited for a bus to get us back to our car parked in a CTA lot. After I watched a man vomit all over the enclosed bus stop and literally clear out everyone from that enclosed bus stop (they relocated in the rain with the rest of us), we decided to walk a little bit where we found a massive number of buses ready for the festival to close. When we approached the bus I specifically asked if the bus dropped off at a Blue Line station he said yes and he told us a specific stop to get off at. He was wrong. We figured it out after we scared the crap out of another woman walking when we asked her for directions but we did get out train and we got back to the hotel.<br />
<br />
As I look back at the excursion into CTA stupidity I ask myself is that job really that hard? Shouldn't their employees have some sense of direction whereas a head toss doesn't take the place of legitimate assistance? Can that job be that mind-numbing that they are so severely jaded that common sense or common courtesy are easily covered up with incompetency? I realize that its easy to discount their lack of professionalism by saying that people like us are just dumb but isn't their job to assist? Can it be said that simple questions such as closures or what a train does at that closure are so easy that their brains cannot function when trying to elicit a proper answer? <br />
<br />
Following my evening medication (prescription medications) and a little decompression I reflected on the night and determined that all is well! Two more days of killer bands, a couple more train and bus rides and probably another rant about someone else.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-739708550338088842014-09-08T15:55:00.002-05:002014-09-08T16:07:02.087-05:00Domestic Violence and Those That Perpetrate ItToday (September 8th, 2014) I was completing some writing on my music blog and I got a message on Facebook to watch the video of Ray Rice allegedly beating up his wife in an elevator. I decided to give it a look and when I did I was filled with disgust, I got sick to my stomach and I got more than just little angry.<br />
<br />
I love professional football, American football and I literally inhale every bit of information I can regarding that sport. I have been watching the NFL Draft for as long as I can remember and I used to hold Draft parties every year, until they changed the format of the Draft that is. I am a massive fan of the Chicago Bears and I love just watching NFL games. My mantra in life is simple "Football is life, the rest are just details."<br />
<br />
With that "love" I have I always pay attention to the "wire" to see who is hurt, on the disabled list, who has been suspended and unfortunately who has been arrested. In February I read about a domestic violence report regarding Ray Rice, a running back for the Baltimore Ravens and his wife and I was interested to see what exactly the case would entail. First of all domestic violence is a crime that is vile, cowardly, and the desperate act of a spouse (or significant other) against their counterpart in a desperate attempt to control them. I cannot think of a single instance where physical violence against ones mate is acceptable unless the other party is brandishing some kind of weapon in an offensive attack.<br />
<br />
When the NFL reacted to the Rice incident they began and completed some sort of investigation and subsequently they concluded that their appropriate response was a two game suspension much to the chagrin of many. With the exception of most kickers and punters NFL players are massive in stature, they are built for the gladiator-like punishment they take during the course of a season. Rice however is a smaller man, he is 5'-8, 206 pounds (from NFL.com) but being a starting running back this man is extremely powerful. Rice is used to hitting and being hit by massive defensive players and he can take that physical abuse play after play, game after game, his then girlfriend (now wife) who is smaller in stature, much smaller cannot.<br />
<br />
In a <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2014/09/08/ray-rice-elevator-knockout-fiancee-takes-crushing-punch-video/">video</a> released by TMZ on September 8th, 2014 it shows Rice hitting his female companion and her head hitting a handrail inside of an elevator, knocking her unconscious. Rice is later seen dragging her unconscious body out of the elevator in which he was later arrested for the assault. Rice was later indicted by the Atlantic County Prosecutor's Office on third degree aggravated assault, but when the victim refused to testify the charges were reduce Rice then pleaded guilt and received court supervised counseling. The NFL then responded by suspending Rice for two regular season games, and when the video came out on the 8th, the NFL backtracked with Roger Goodell released a statement stating:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"I take responsibility both for the decision and for ensuring that our
actions in the future properly reflect our values. I didn't get it
right. Simply put, we have to do better. And we will." - NFL.com - September 8th, 2014</blockquote>
<br />
In an attempt to rectify the situation Goodell announced that Rice was suspended indefinitely. Until September 8th the team in which Rice plays for, the Baltimore Ravens, had done nothing to punish Rice however their response following the appearance of the video was to <a href="http://www.baltimoreravens.com/news/article-1/Ravens-Terminate-Ray-Rices-Contract/17178ebd-005f-4176-b1cb-d6acd8980be4">release</a> him from the team.<br />
<br />
Although the reaction from the Ravens and the NFL are far too late, the two judgements are welcomed. The NFL has announced a statement in which their "<a href="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/pdf/sports/Roger_Goodell_NFL/Roger_Goodell_letter.pdf">Violations of Personal Conduct Policy</a>" was outlined including disciplinary actions. For a first offense the offender would be suspended for six weeks without pay, whereas a second offense will result in banishment from the league BUT the player will be allowed to apply for reinstatement following one year with no guarantee of reinstatement. Really? How stupid is that? Banishment with a chance to come back after a year. That's not a punishment, that is a vacation for most of these guys. I would bet my bottom dollar that depending on the star power of a player may help the reinstatement of the violator.<br />
<br />
Commissioner Goodell if you really want to make us believe that such offenses will REALLY be enforced then make it a lifetime ban following a conviction with a suspension without pay until the matter is settled in the courts. It is commonplace for regular men and women that get arrested for domestic abuse to be prosecuted based on evidence gathered regardless of the denial of a the person that has been abused because many of the abused continue to go back to their abuser thus allowing for the abuse to continue. I don't buy your "punishment," put some teeth in it, real teeth then maybe I and the other fans of the NFL will believe that this is about punishing those offenders that participate in this cowardly act.<br />
<br />
I said it earlier and I will say it again, domestic abuse is a vile, cowardly act that is an attempt to control someone physically. Fear is a great equalizer and beating the living tar out of someone that is that much less capable to defend themselves against the offender is cowardice. Domestic violence is unfortunately commonplace in our society today, it goes across all classes of society. The NFL is no different than the working class (or any class for that matter) and the result of domestic violence is often the same. While most abusers and their victims really don't have the same impact as those in the NFL do the fact of the matter is that the abusers are cowards. If you want to hit your spouse or significant other do yourself and your victim a favor walk away and get some freaking help. There are agencies and trained individuals that are there for that purpose.<br />
<br />
What Mr. Rice did to his girlfriend (now wife) is reprehensible and I can only HOPE that no teams in the NFL decide to sign this man ever again. If Mr. Rice is re-instated by the league in the future it will be proof that all that matters is winning and if any team signs this man I will take pleasure in watching that team lose and I will take great pleasure watching your revenues plummet in the process. Get some teeth in that Personal Conduct Policy, real teeth and prove to your fans that you actually care about your fans. Mr. Rice I hope that you can get the help you need and I sincerely hope that Carl's Jr. needs a dishwasher.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-85081655045936097612013-06-10T17:17:00.001-05:002013-06-10T19:57:40.224-05:00Did You Ever...I am convinced that we as a society are done, anarchy will rule and we'll be living like Mad Max. Its not because of the government, its because of all of the stupid commercials and television shows. As an example here's a brief quote from a law firm commercial: "Have YOU or a loved one been killed because of..." No if I was KILLED I wouldn't be calling you. Any commercial with John Stamos and his pitch for Greek yogurt or car commercial that has to put "Do Not Attempt". Hell I hope they DO attempt, it will give the lawyers that asked if they have been killed in an accident.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-75965270903877854542011-11-21T00:41:00.001-06:002011-11-21T00:42:48.189-06:00The Evil of the PriusYes I said evil. I'm not sure what it is about the drivers in these little electric clown cars but they seem to be a tad bit aggressive. Sure they may think they're "going green" and "saving the planet" but when you try to out run a fuel injected 350 V8 and I'm the driver, well lets just say that's not your best idea.<br />
<br />
Sure you can think that the little piece of crap is cute and although you think you're helping the baby seals but when you try to pass a V8 that is blowing past you on a hill in doing so we are both putting enough greenhouse gases into the environment to kill that little seal and 50 polar bears.<br />
<br />
Here's an idea for the Prius owners: Back down there cheese because those of us that don't own those crap wagons outnumber you and we're bigger and meaner. What does that mean you ask... Keep it up and we'll jam you up that tailpipe so you can keep the hamsters in that "engine" company. That is all.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-90880476553389674782011-11-02T14:55:00.000-05:002011-11-02T14:55:47.795-05:00The Fourth Moon of JupiterHow does one address a bad incident when in the grand scheme of things that incident was merely a blip within it all? That's why you're here, that's why I wrote about it and that is why birds sing (no not really).<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
I decided recently to travel into Chicago to the Congress Theater to see Anthrax, Testament and Death Angel and despite the distance from my home to that venue we went any way. Having a hotel room in the 'Burbs and the insanity of getting in and out of Chicago on occasion and the potential nightmare of parking in the City made the decision to take public transportation a no-brainer. With the Congress Theater being located so close to a CTA stop (the Congress is on Milwaukee Ave.), the train was the solution.<br />
<br />
Any time one takes public transportation, it is possible to encounter some interesting individuals in big metropolitan areas especially. I've been on the trains in Chicago before, they really don't bother me and as we made the trip it was completely uneventful (like I thought it would be). For anyone that has taken public transportation (the CTA for example) knows that although most of the people working there are friendly if you give them respect (just like real life) but every now and then you encounter that one...<br />
<br />
As we left the train we encountered a CTA employee sitting quite firmly on a stool and I respectfully asked what direction we had to travel to get to the Congress. I'm not really sure what I did but the "blue behemoth" pointed in a direction and didn't even glance up as she pointed. I suppose I had a minute of grand stupidity because I followed the "directions" given to me by the fourth moon of Jupiter and I began to meander my way to the theater. Have you ever been so lost that you know beyond the shadow of a doubt you are lost without having to be prompted, I did.<br />
<br />
As I plodded through the streets of Chicago with the breakneck speed of a dead goat, it became painfully obvious that I was good and lost so as we approached a restaurant there was a young man, a valet actually and by some incredible twist of fate we asked him for directions and he pointed us across the street and told us to follow that street until it stopped and he told us that we would be on the right street. The young man was correct, and I thank him (even though I doubt he will read this). <br />
<br />
Okay sure there was a happy ending and yes I did steal most of the previous paragraphs from my music <a href="http://musicallead.blogspot.com/">blog</a> (keep up with me here) but those are all moot points. The happy ending was that we found where we were going and we had a great time but come on! Would it actually kill the blue behemoth to pick her head up and give a little more than what appeared to be the swatting of a fly? Come to think of it maybe it was a fly, I'm guessing that as she was not looking whilst she did that little wave that leads me to believe that her attention was elsewhere. <br />
<br />
Seeing the one solitary wave could have been an attempt to swat said fly from getting onto the carcass of the gazelle she probably had stashed under her little desk. It is indeed possible that she had a larger game animal under the table either that or she was reading the label on the bottle of arsenic and trying to figure out how much she would have to give her husband so he would be dead. I'm guessing it would be the gazelle (or other large game animal) as I'm fairly confident she couldn't read the label of the bottle with all of that ketchup from her fingers making it illegible.<br />
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Sure she has a crappy job but its a city job and I'm guessing (I could be wrong about this one) she is probably in a union so she is probably paid fairly well. At this time in history I'm thinking any person that needs a job right now would jump at the opportunity to have that crappy job and I'm guessing that the Brookfield Zoo would appreciate having the random disappearance of gazelle actually stop. If, by some strange coincidence or twist of fate (karmic retribution at its finest) the "Fourth Moon" reads this (or has it read to her), do yourself a favor and smile, learn to enjoy helping people and take pride in your job and put down that gazelle.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-48847300044112553822011-10-09T21:46:00.000-05:002011-10-09T21:46:38.911-05:00Really? I haven't had anything to bitch about?That would be a great big NO! New stuff approaches soon.... I'll probably have to bitch about myself and lack of attention I seem to have.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-41559445058115873392011-08-11T22:36:00.000-05:002011-08-11T22:36:18.456-05:00Well Kick Me In The Ass And Call Me FredLiving in a town that is so full of douche bags makes getting through a day without burying one of them alive. As an American citizen, should I be subjected to one ass that cannot delineate between one of his friends and his friends evil? As a City employee, should he bitch about my house, lawn, car, dumpster or the large hole I'm digging as shelter from 2012 (I'm kidding about the car) and not bitch about his friend that has shit piled up right next to that douche bag's house?<br />
<br />
You know what, I'm sorry but what's good for the goose is a reason to roast the gander. Do your flipping job, you cannot ignore one and hold the other to a different standard. Kiss my arse if I'll let that happen.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-20336496991696183632011-08-04T21:36:00.007-05:002011-08-05T19:25:58.499-05:00I've Just Been Awarded...Sixteen MILLION dollars! That's what the email said, and emails are never used for nefarious purposes. That's not all, when I send them $350 they will send a courier to the address I am to provide to them! To make sure its really me, I have to provide them with two pieces of identification (my Social Security Number and a copy of my Passport) then when I meet with the courier, they can be sure its really me and not some scam artist (their words)!<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Obviously this is all legitimate, it has to be, after all I know that many people in England die with a huge fortune and absolutely no one to give it too. I'm excited that they chose me (there are billions of people on this floating rock) because if they didn't I couldn't say what the paragraph below says.<br />
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The people that perpetrate these types of scams should be hung by their pubic hair over a pit full of pissed off chimpanzees that are so full of testosterone that it can be bottled and sold at a 7-11 near you. Are people really this dense? Do people really fall for this crap? I get tons of these freaking emails every week, and I really had no idea I had so many accounts in banks all over the United States, and I really took to heart the email I got from the "Directer of the FBI" (director was actually spelled Directer) telling me that another email I was sent was indeed legitimate. Who comes up with this recycled pap after all?<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I love stupid people they give me so much to write about but these email scams are the most asinine attempt to scam the stupid. But, IF someone is indeed that stupid to fall for it, then they should be immediately scooped up and have their head surgically removed from their ass. Why not capture these little dicks and do things to them, really bad things. We will prosecute morons for insider trading, isn't this just as bad?<br />
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There is a plan (there is always a plan) that I conjured up that makes complete sense and I think I should begin actively campaigning all over the country to bring it to fruition. Here's the plan, if you would fall for one of the scams received through email, contact me first and the ball will get rolling. Once I have been contacted, I will tell you just to give me all of your money and I'll tell you exactly how I am going to spend it. I won't be scamming you, instead I will be launching myself forward whilst leaving you so penniless that even cat food will be too expensive.<br />
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The scammers should be beaten with barbed wire and drug through broken glass and shards of metal then dipped into a vat of iodine, once for each time he scammed someone. Its too bad that we can't, it would be educational for the scammers and it would be fun for the whole family participating in the retribution, I mean "participating in the judicial system" (whew, I dodged that one).<br />
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That's all I've got, carry on.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-86836114601297744812011-07-17T22:40:00.000-05:002011-07-17T22:40:29.526-05:00Picking Thine NostrilsIs there anything more disgusting than seeing a child pick their nose? I bet I know something that is, an ADULT doing it. Yes an adult that picked his nose, then rubbed the green goo onto the side of the slot machine he was playing.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
That man should have been choked with the oxygen tubing from the old woman that was smoking away whilst she took the occasional swig of oxygen. Before I get to far ahead, smoking while on oxygen? Listen Sparky I really want to live a little longer and whilst you did inhale all too often, that Zippo of yours will pop that oxygen tank like the dreams of Joe Camel.<br />
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Getting back to the booger brain, what in the Hell are you thinking? First of all, you are in my memory bank and the next time I see you, you will accidentally trip and I will laugh. Secondly do you feel the need to spread whatever diseases you might have dripping from your proboscis?<br />
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The next time I'm in that casino, I'm wearing gloves, a mask and a gown AND I'll have so much hand sanitizer that I will have to avoid Sparky. Quit picking your nose in public, and while your at it occasionally punch yourself in the face, it builds character.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-28651273423894046772011-07-12T01:03:00.000-05:002011-07-12T01:03:01.442-05:00Really Ocifer, You Couldn't Turn Around And Help?Last night my wife and our two children were traveling to Council Bluffs, IA for our vacation (yes I said Council Bluffs and yes I know its in Iowa)and whilst traveling to our hotel we suffered one Heck of a setback, we had a blowout.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Our vacation started a little late on Sunday night, we couldn't get our dogs to the kennel until after 5PM (the kennel wasn't able to accept the dogs until after 5), and with bathroom trips, gas breaks and just needing to stretch our legs, we wouldn't be to the hotel until after Midnight. The weather has really been warming up, and on Sunday night the temperature was about 82 degrees and humid. Anyone that has ever traveled on the Great Plains knows that storms whip across it and the Council Bluffs / Omaha area have been hammered with flooding so the weather was ripe for a doozy of a storm.<br />
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In April my wife found a used van (a 1991 GMC with a fuel injected 350 and 46000 original miles) and we bought it (obviously or why would I have mentioned it). Our dealer, a man that we have bought two other vehicles from, told us that the tires had at least 80% tread on them and honestly they looked really good. We have been using it to get to places and events so we wouldn't rack up miles on our other vehicles as well as being able to transport more people comfortably (the damn fuel mileage is in the mid to high 20's so its got THAT going for it, which is nice). With all of the positives in favor of the van, it was a no-brainer that we would be taking the van on the vacation.<br />
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As we were traveling across Iowa on Interstate 80, all was going swimmingly and the trip seemed like it was off to a great start, but subconsciously I was a little worried the entire time. I think that some of the trepidation comes from the fact that we were in an older, used vehicle as we weren't in one of our newer vehicles thus its part of the great unknown as well as some issues with boarding the dogs (they're older and one has anxiety driven seizures). The speed limit along most of I-80 is 65 and 70 and it really never seemed like it because the van rides so nice but then something wicked this way came.<br />
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The GPS was starting its countdown to prompting us which exit to take and exactly one mile from our exit I began to pass a tractor-trailer. My dad is a truck drive so I have grown up in and around them and I feel very comfortable passing them (Side note: When I see one of these stupid attorney commercials for "victims" of accidents with tractor-trailers I want to beat them into a bloody pulp with a sledgehammer) and as I completed the pass the van began to shake. VIOLENTLY! At first I thought someone was hitting me or that I was on the shoulder and I was hitting the "rumble strips" but then the rear end of the van began to break loose.<br />
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I had the van under control, and I was able to pull off on the shoulder without further incident and then the fun started. We immediately contacted our insurance company and we used our roadside assistance because I physically can no longer do such things (I have a disabled arm) and then there is the whole changing a tire on a major Interstate at 12:30 AM. The insurance company was great (Progressive rules, despite "Flo", and they kept in contact with us during the wait and Progressive will always be recommended by me based on their customer service alone. I can hear you now saying "this is a rant blog and this sounds like some type of orgy of happiness", first of all "eww" you pervert, and secondly I'm getting to that in the next paragraph.<br />
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Whilst I sat along Interstate 80 waiting patiently (stop it, I am PATIENT) I became privy to a phenomena that I have only been personally touched by in Illinois and I never thought in the land of corn. On three occasions, THREE, peace officers drove past a van, on the shoulder of the road with its hazard lights flashing! I know first hand that the police can be busy, trying to get to calls for help and usually that means having lights flashing but did any of the three that passed me have those red and blues flashing, ahhhhhhh NO. I looked at the time, following the three police passers and their shifts weren't changing and I even examined if the three passersby could have been the same car but that couldn't be possible.<br />
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For it to be the same dude / dudette, they would have either circumnavigated the globe (all three were traveling east) three times or they have some really cool shortcut that they could use to keep passing by me or the most obvious reason, wormhole. Yeah there would be holes in all three of those possibilities as one was a deputy and the others were Iowa State patrol. <br />
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After number three went past my blood began to boil and fortunately the roadside assistance guy showed up, fixed the tire and as I closed my door so I could pull away, the proverbial skies opened. Today, 300 + miles from home I bought four new tires and had them installed and the tire dude and I began to come up with possible reasons for the failure. I just think that the real culprit to it all was all of the things I mentioned and it was almost a "perfect storm" to cause the blowout but another scenario seems to fit. In examining the tire today, I really think that the tire that blew was a retread and when the retread failed, it almost snakebit myself and my family.<br />
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Thanks again to ISP and whatever flipping county I'm in, I'm glad you had a reason to slow down then continue on your merry way. I'm glad I wasn't having a massive heart attack, it was really hot and humid so my bloated arse would have stunk up Western Iowa. Here's to hoping something cool will trip my trigger tomorrow.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-74277144250428913502011-07-10T01:52:00.000-05:002011-07-10T01:52:36.988-05:00The Crispy Pile Of Ash In The Front Seat Of A PriusWhy oh why must stupid people be given drivers licenses? Obviously the tests are too easy or 95% of the people on the road would have failed and never been allowed to drive. I'm fairly confident that each of the 95% need to be slapped in the side of the head with a large mallet. There has to be a solution to the ignorance of these blister-headed idiots, and I think I might have an idea that will work.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>To preface all of the comments I stated in the beginning, everyone has done something stupid in a car and when we, in hindsight, think about those mistakes I would bet most of us would not make the same mistake twice, however... There is still that small enough group of us that doesn't understand the mistake and will continue to make that same mistake, therefore those people enter the 95%.<br />
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As an example if you, as a driver continually make the same mistake (i.e., regularly back into cars at the grocery store), and cannot figure out why your rear bumper has so many colors of paint on it that Sherwin-Williams is using it to come up with new colors, then you are in the 95%.<br />
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If you drive around with a bumper sticker that says "I Brake For Hallucinations" and wonder why you are stopped by the police 50 times a day, you enter the category. If when you drive down the street, complete strangers run in terror as you blast past them on the sidewalk, you belong in the 95%. Okay enough examples, I'm sure you get the picture and I really don't want to sound like a Jeff Foxworthy joke.<br />
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Allow me to explain the reason for the post this fine morning (its 12:47AM so its morning), sit back it could get ugly. Today, (well technically yesterday get over it) I was driving down Main Street of my happy little village of living Hell and walking down the middle of a one lane street is an ENTIRE WEDDING PARTY, shoulder to shoulder, arm and arm (which was kind of creepy), in almost some human chain as a photographer walked in front snapping away. You might be saying to yourself "How does that involve driving?", keep up with me, you'll soon understand.<br />
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As the French Foreign Legion marched ahead of me, one of the "groomsmen" turned, looked at me, winked and gave me the obligatory douche bag response of the "finger gun" and after firing such a deadly weapon, he blew the imaginary smoke from the index finger. Being the calm, wonderfully mannered and patient man (knock it off, I am patient), first I thought to myself "What I wouldn't give to see that finger accidentally go off and blow one of his eyebrows clean off" unfortunately the finger wasn't loaded so instead I pursed my lips and blew him a kiss then I was surprised when it became obvious that he seemed to really like the kiss, so I sped off.<br />
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The little burg of Hell in which I live is the destination to over ONE MILLION visitors a year, and for me that's ONE MILLION chances for me to want to climb onto a roof with a rifle (KIDDING black helicopter people, just kidding. Sheesh) and they import their stupid driving skills. Now lets "get to the meat of the potatoes" (thanks once again to Darrell on "Storage Wars" for that), after Zippy the Wonder Chimp became aroused by the kiss, I sped off and with it being a really nice day, the glorious "<i>Tourista Stupidita</i>" (that's pig Latin for "Stupid Tourists") were crawling all over the town and upon reaching an intersection with a one way street, I was cut off by a car in said intersection as they came up the WRONG FLIPPING WAY.<br />
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If, you as a driver cannot see a big FREAKING sign that is white with a big red circle in it that says "Do Not Enter" then you need to hand the keys of the Prius (who really drives those any way?) over to the trunk monkey because he / she has to be able to drive better than you. Oh and when you realize in the middle of the freaking turn that you are indeed a uber moron do not, I repeat DO NOT give me that little wave over your shoulder like "Oh I'm sorry I'm an idiot", I already know you ARE.<br />
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Next, for the driver of a car so large, it could be a battleship, and you think it will fit in the parking stall that is so small a Smart Car wouldn't fit in it (who really would want to drive one of those any way, a bread bag looks safer), and you sit there for 10 minutes trying to navigate into the spot Admiral Nimitz then you are a moron and fit nicely into the 95%. The same thing goes for the little Prius turds, if you take 10 minutes trying to fit into the crushed cars and dead pedestrians that the Admiral opened up for you, you need to be beaten by the trunk monkeys and dragged through the carnage then tossed into the same class as the good Admiral.<br />
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Now we have reached that point in the program that trumps all of those other things, and what has made me write this condensed version of "War and Peace", "brighting" me. Just because you drive that little Prius, or Dodge Neon, or any of the other cars that sit 2 1/2 inches off of the ground and the headlights of my beautiful 1990 GMC van are in your eyes, this does not require you flashing your brights at me, my brights aren't on, they're just brighter than the candles you have. The rear seats in the van weigh more that your entire car, and my van is equipped with one standard grumpy man (ME) and your bark buddy mobile doesn't.<br />
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If by "brighting" me because you are an idiot, be prepared for my brights, that's FOUR headlights, to burn through your corneas like a cigarette on a couch. This endeavor of yours will fail, you will be blinded, I will laugh and you will pull over screaming "MY EYES! MY EYES! as you pour Perrier over them in an attempt to relieve the burning. I suppose you could try "Preparation H" on your eyes to stop the burning, but all that would happen is I would call you an "ass face" and you would be dumb because the H isn't for eyes, its for 'roids and only an "ass face" would do something that dumb. Now for the solution to the problem.<br />
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Once, in a former life, I came up with a device I called "The Slapper", it was an idea that would fix stupid people when the called Technical Support but I believe I have outdone myself with this one. When accused of being a stupid driver (I didn't say convicted, that's too much work) a device would be placed into the vehicle and the 5% of us that aren't stupid drivers would be given a button, and what a button it is.<br />
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The button would send a signal to the vehicle of the stupid driver upon doing something stupid (or just for fun) and that signal would set off a small alarm. The alarm itself would blast the interior of the vehicle with 300 dB of Sam Kinison screaming and the vehicle would immediately careen to the shoulder and crash itself into the nearest bridge pier, utility pole, or large body of water. Upon stopping (with one hell of a bang), the car would immediately explode and the driver that pushed the button would be allowed to drive off content and happy that they had done a good job.<br />
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Extreme, maybe. Dangerous, definitely, Cool, UBER COOL. Stupid drivers don't make me patent this, you know as dumb as the government is they would patent it and make it a law. I will be rich and you'll be a crispy pile of ash in the front seat of a smouldering Prius. Thank you for your time, that is all.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-5628206556906499632011-07-07T20:19:00.000-05:002011-07-07T20:19:28.124-05:00The Latest Trip To The Land Of The Letter Between L And NBeing a glutton for punishment, I decided to travel the to the "<i>goldish colored giant letter between L and N fast food establishment</i>" to get another Iced Tea, and what I found shocked the crap out of me.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Before I start with the "shocking the crap out of me" part, I want to take a minute and ask any members of law enforcement (or those black helicopter guys) to run an analysis on their Iced Tea, it is addictive. Kidding " goldish colored giant letter between L and N fast food establishment", please don't sue me! All the kidding aside, I love that damned tea and it taunts me every time I think about it. <br />
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Okay back to regular programming, the thing that scared the crap out of me was the fact that my order was taken in under 3 1/2 hours (it took just about 30 seconds), however my ears were bleeding from the primal scream that the window order person blasted at me when she welcomed me. As I turned the corner, I watched as a car slowly pulled away from the SECOND window (I think they were warm and fuzzy, so all must have gone well). In an attempt to assist the window money taker person, I provided them with a crisp, neatly folded bill (it really wasn't, it was balled up in my pocket and it had pocket fuzz on it) as well as the exact change. To my surprise, the window money taker discovered that I had counted wrong and I provided her with the additional coins to rectify the boo boo.<br />
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Here's where it happened, the second window. The infamous second window where it sucks out the souls of every employee making them into a lifeless zombie as well as the sanctuary for the preservation of the endangered plastic straws. Its a lifeless zone and much like a portal to Hell itself, I can see the befuddled customers shuffling about and the collective IQ's of each patron dropping 100 points. This is the place, this is place of the despair and where your order morphs into some concoction that a 16 year old kid just made while thinking about that skank that crushed his spirit like it was a soap bubble. Fear lives here.<br />
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As I approached the window I prepared myself for the sight of the zombies and then a perky friendly young lady presented my beverage to me with a smile and then thanked me and told me to have a nice day. <b>What in the Hell was that all about?</b> Why perky and friendly? I expected <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Agnes_Moorehead_in_Bewitched.jpg">Endora</a> from "Bewitched" and instead I got <a href="http://www.lisawhelchel.com/">Blair</a> from "Facts of Life". <br />
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Thanks "goldish colored giant letter between L and N fast food establishment" you just screwed up my rant. Alas, I just remembered that there is always tomorrow, and "Blair" can't be there all of the time. Unless she is a robot. Or a zombie. Who knows...James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-54346462024635910402011-07-07T19:43:00.000-05:002011-07-07T19:43:47.956-05:00Try To Aggravate Me Is Like Trying to Make Ghandi Take A Swing At YouAggravation is an art form that novices may attempt and will fail during the attempt, and although it might be possible to get under ones skin generally it won't last long. I know, I have vast knowledge of aggravation and oh so much experience in it, I would be called a Master.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Feeble attempts to get under my skin really make me laugh (and now write about them), and any lame attempt to get my dander up, well that is just not going to work. I've seen potential attempts that could succeed if they were better planned, but I just chalk it up to inexperience. Inasmuch as that is a true statement, the potential for me to get a little oh whats the word... <i><u>"explosive"</u></i> works, is when there is an attack upon my family or my friends. There might have been an occasion where I was a "<b>tad</b>" bit mad and I may have said some things that could be perceived as down right (I choose the word <i><u>"grumpy"</u></i>) and may have gone a little past the brink of warm and friendly.<br />
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Whilst the perception of aggravating me and making me "grumpy" (I do like that word), are dissimilar in the simple fashion of the "grumpy" side (that really does fit) only comes when provoked by a harming action and the aggravated side only goes one way, they try to aggravate me and fail.<br />
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Wow! This was a warm and fuzzy little tale now wasn't it.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-31008798785834287382011-07-07T00:05:00.000-05:002011-07-07T00:05:27.465-05:00Is it so hard?Vague, sure it is, but give me a moment and I will explain in great detail. I like iced tea, more importantly I really like the tea that they have at the goldish colored giant letter between L and N, but apparently they have no clue when it comes to customer service.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>The past three, THREE times I have been there it has be an act of Congress just to get the stupid tea. I'm a patient guy (stop laughing I am), but when it takes 8 minutes with one, did I say ONE car ahead of you, its a bit much. In looking at the problem with my patient eyes (stop laughing), one might believe that there were multiple cars ahead of me that required extra attention, but alas as I mentioned earlier, there was ONE, ONE damned car. Again looking through my patient eyes you might believe that the lobby was full and the parking lot was so crammed with cars that it looked like a junkyard, you would be wrong, it was as empty as Nancy Pelosi's soul.<br />
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During the EIGHT minute wait, I lost my satellite radio (stupid dead spots that stokes my fire too, but I digress) so I got to listen to my engine idle, and thank all that is good in the world gas is so cheap here it feels like a Mad Max movie. Again with the digressing, you might assume that Chester and his wife Fields (the car ahead of me, and NO those aren't their real names), had extravagant orders and that it required every employee to slather upon the buns 0.43339 ounces of ketchup whilst holding the onions until the optimal temperature of 93.04 degrees was met, NO, hell NO!<br />
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Two scalding hot (see the label on the cup) cups of coffee and TWO ice cream cones, that's it. I'm sure you too are pondering why anyone would need hot coffee and ice cream, but I associated it to the sheer fact that they have not temperature receptors in their mouths, but lets stick to the point! TWO cups of coffee and TWO ice cream cones, the combination of those tricky orders forced me to wait for EIGHT MINUTES... Really? Can it be that flipping hard? Survey says, uhm NO, no it can't be that hard.<br />
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Please goldish colored giant letter between L and N people, please make it stop! First its the service, then its the endangered North American plastic straws and now its waiting for absolutely ever to get a stupid iced tea!<br />
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I feel better now. Not really, I'm sure I'll get agitated again tomorrow too.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-39286154784146966532011-07-03T00:17:00.000-05:002011-07-03T00:17:26.314-05:00Why...Why in the bloody Heck after you pass someone they decide that they have to pass you back and then slow down so you have to pass them again! I took a trip to Park Falls, WI today (absolutely beautiful place BTW) and I found a person that I think might need to have their license taken from them and jammed down their throat.<br />
<a name='more'></a>Somewhere around Madison, WI (don't get me started with Madison, it won't end well), I passed a car and I would bet for the next 90 miles or so the driver decided she had to speed up and slow down so much, I was convinced she was having a seizure. Why else would anyone get passed and then pass me, accelerate and then slow down at least 11 times. Eleven.<br />
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It befuddles me when people are obviously blatantly inept as drivers and obviously got their license when a drooling, feeble, water head as the person that passed them on the stupid drivers test. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury shouldn't we be able to have their licenses revoked, their cars impounded then crushed and have their heads shaved and their scalps painted pink (the head shaving and painting really have no intrinsic punishment value, I just think it would be cool).<br />
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People of the world unite and force drivers like this into forced labor camps, have them forcefully sterilized (so they can't create other bad drivers) and their ancestors dug up and their bones urinated on by alcoholic donkeys.<br />
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Bad drivers must be found and destroyed, give me the job I can tell who the bad drivers are mainly by the State that issued their licenses, as well as those that aggravate me. I can fix this I assure you. I'm me and I have approved of this ad.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-58310062264771624642011-06-28T23:16:00.000-05:002011-06-28T23:16:33.265-05:00Customer ServiceWhatever happened to "customer service"? Should I have to wait 10 minutes for an iced tea and a hot fudge sundae at a mecca of fast foodiness? Surely the giant M can hire people that can handle TWO cars can't they? <br />
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On a related note, when did straws become an endangered species? If I order any type of liquid from the mecca, I rarely get anything that resembles a straw, ergo they must be endangered. Please contact your congress-(wo)man and DEMAND that straws be placed on the endangered list! If you don't, future generations will go without straws!James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-89725579249947909242011-04-20T23:56:00.001-05:002011-06-30T14:11:57.995-05:00Chupacabras, Doggies, Horsies and MoronsI am fairly eclectic in the things I watch on television, I lean toward reality type programs (no not like <b>Survivor</b> or <b>Celebrity Apprentice</b>), shows that teach or show people doing something, <b>Deadliest Catch</b> for instance. My tastes do draw me toward shows based on paranormal, monsters, ghosts and things of a similar nature, and this evening I decided to watch a program that really has agitated me.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>As I watched "<b>Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files</b>" I sat shaking my head while I watched three adults searching for the infamous "<b><u>chupacabra</u></b>". After watching these "investigators" talk to a woman that just happened to have a body of the beast, in her FREEZER, oh not to mention the creature professionally stuffed and mounted on a table in her home, I sat there slack-jawed.<br />
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Using the deductive minds of the investigators, they decided to conduct a few tests which did include DNA testing. Following the disturbing bit of taxidermy, we were exposed to the "Mistaken Identity" test, where a couple of different animals were used to be an analog in an attempt to duplicate a dash-cam video captured by a deputy.<br />
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These amazing Junior Magnum PI's trotted out a miniature horse and a hairless dog and had them run in front of a car in an attempt to duplicate the event. A horse. A stinking horse? Who in the bloody reaches of Hell would mistake a little horse for a goat sucking ass beast? Just to be sure, Tweedle Bob and Tweedle Jane then put a hairless dog on the road and let it run in front of the car.<br />
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Generally speaking the thought of running bald Cujo in front of a moving car would disturb me, just because its stupid, but I actually was hoping that they would be so intent on the dog that they slid into the ditch and a real chupacabra would attack the stunned blister headed idiots and suck out their blood.<br />
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Look, I'm not saying I disbelieve and/or believe in the little bastard goat suckers but really? A dog and a horse running up and down a gravel road? Screw the chupacabra, these people are flipping stupid. How can I get a show on television being that stupid, I'm sure I could do better. Perhaps my first show would be to look for blister headed idiots, I bet I'd know where I could find some.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322555765121995955.post-60762438892271442042011-04-19T23:44:00.001-05:002011-04-19T23:44:00.152-05:00WTFI'm starting to get into this blog thing, I sure hope I don't say something stupid to get the wrong type of attention. Sure, like I care.James Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16504527072774070276noreply@blogger.com0