Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Chupacabras, Doggies, Horsies and Morons

I am fairly eclectic in the things I watch on television, I lean toward reality type programs (no not like Survivor or Celebrity Apprentice), shows that teach or show people doing something, Deadliest Catch for instance.  My tastes do draw me toward shows based on paranormal, monsters, ghosts and things of a similar nature, and this evening I decided to watch a program that really has agitated me.

As I watched "Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files" I sat shaking my head while I watched three adults searching for the infamous "chupacabra".  After watching these "investigators" talk to a woman that just happened to have a body of the beast, in her FREEZER, oh not to mention the creature professionally stuffed and mounted on a table in her home, I sat there slack-jawed.

Using the deductive minds of the investigators, they decided to conduct a few tests which did include DNA testing.  Following the disturbing bit of taxidermy, we were exposed to the "Mistaken Identity" test, where a couple of different animals were used to be an analog in an attempt to duplicate a dash-cam video captured by a deputy.

These amazing Junior Magnum PI's trotted out a miniature horse and a hairless dog and had them run in front of a car in an attempt to duplicate the event.  A horse.  A stinking horse?  Who in the bloody reaches of Hell would mistake a little horse for a goat sucking ass beast?  Just to be sure, Tweedle Bob and Tweedle Jane then put a hairless dog on the road and let it run in front of the car.

Generally speaking the thought of running bald Cujo in front of a moving car would disturb me, just because its stupid, but I actually was hoping that they would be so intent on the dog that they slid into the ditch and a real chupacabra would attack the stunned blister headed idiots and suck out their blood.

Look, I'm not saying I disbelieve and/or believe in the little bastard goat suckers but really?  A dog and a horse running up and down a gravel road?  Screw the chupacabra, these people are flipping stupid.  How can I get a show on television being that stupid, I'm sure I could do better.  Perhaps my first show would be to look for blister headed idiots, I bet I'd know where I could find some.

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