Thursday, August 4, 2011

I've Just Been Awarded...

Sixteen MILLION dollars!  That's what the email said, and emails are never used for nefarious purposes.  That's not all, when I send them $350 they will send a courier to the address I am to provide to them!  To make sure its really me, I have to provide them with two pieces of identification (my Social Security Number and a copy of my Passport) then when I meet with the courier, they can be sure its really me and not some scam artist (their words)!

Obviously this is all legitimate, it has to be, after all I know that many people in England die with a huge fortune and absolutely no one to give it too.  I'm excited that they chose me (there are billions of people on this floating rock) because if they didn't I couldn't say what the paragraph below says.

The people that perpetrate these types of scams should be hung by their pubic hair over a pit full of pissed off chimpanzees that are so full of testosterone that it can be bottled and sold at a 7-11 near you.  Are people really this dense?  Do people really fall for this crap?  I get tons of these freaking emails every week, and I really had no idea I had so many accounts in banks all over the United States, and I really took to heart the email I got from the "Directer of the FBI" (director was actually spelled Directer) telling me that another email I was sent was indeed legitimate.  Who comes up with this recycled pap after all?

Don't get me wrong, I love stupid people they give me so much to write about but these email scams are the most asinine attempt to scam the stupid.  But, IF someone is indeed that stupid to fall for it, then they should be immediately scooped up and have their head surgically removed from their ass.  Why not capture these little dicks and do things to them, really bad things.  We will prosecute morons for insider trading, isn't this just as bad?

There is a plan (there is always a plan) that I conjured up that makes complete sense and I think I should begin actively campaigning all over the country to bring it to fruition.  Here's the plan, if you would fall for one of the scams received through email, contact me first and the ball will get rolling.  Once I have been contacted, I will tell you just to give me all of your money and I'll tell you exactly how I am going to spend it.  I won't be scamming you, instead I will be launching myself forward whilst leaving you so penniless that even cat food will be too expensive.

The scammers should be beaten with barbed wire and drug through broken glass and shards of metal then dipped into a vat of iodine, once for each time he scammed someone.  Its too bad that we can't, it would be educational for the scammers and it would be fun for the whole family participating in the retribution, I mean "participating in the judicial system" (whew, I dodged that one).

That's all I've got, carry on.

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